I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
