we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
