This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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