Can Purell be used as lube?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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