gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
