It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
