Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
