He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
