if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
