Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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