tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
