They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
