How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
