Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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