And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
