So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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