Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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