found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
