I just cut my nipple shaving
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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