Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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