i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I believe in your delicious
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize