were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
