My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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