I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
