My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
