You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
