i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
