he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
