I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
