someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
