is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
