She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
