This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
