what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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