Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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