i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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