Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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