Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
