I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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