You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My penis needs a shock collar
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
