New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
