super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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