Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
