i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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