I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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