I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
