i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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