So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
