Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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