too bad you live with your parents still
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
