she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
