How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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