Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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