Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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