Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
