I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
