actually, I'm a sock model
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
