You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
