We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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