yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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