There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Your cock deserves a montage
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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