if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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