He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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